Tag: Bayou

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Aloha, Yall #SampleSunday

Aloha, Y’all

CIA operative Fortune Redding crossed a ruthless arms dealer. Now she’s hiding out in remote Sinful, Louisiana, with a fake identity, fake hair, and a real price on her head. But just as she thinks she’s safe, her handler warns that Ahmad’s men are getting close. She has less than 24 hours to clear out and make it to the safe house in Hawaii. What’s more, they’ll be looking for a woman traveling alone, so Fortune needs a companion. A respectable, low-profile, non-trigger-happy companion. Which rules out Gertie and Ida Belle.
Mary-Alice Arceneaux just got a big surprise for her 70th birthday–a trip to Hawaii, courtesy of young Fortune Morrow. But with bounty hunters on their trail, and family secrets lurking in the unlikeliest of places, the southernmost state has a few more surprises in store.

Excerpt

The taxi driver was a friendly middle-aged woman whose car smelled like old cigarettes. She started chatting as soon as she pulled away from the curb. She asked Mary-Alice and Fortune where they were from, and confessed she’d never been to Louisiana. She did go to Vegas a few times a year, though, she told them, and she’d flown to Nebraska when her niece graduated from Creighton University.
“My, Nebraska’s awfully far,” Mary-Alice said. “Why did she choose to go all that way, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Lotta Hawaii kids like go Creighton. Never discriminate against the Japanese after Pearl Harbor, that’s why. Kept their doors open to everyone.”
“Are you Japanese?” Mary-Alice asked.
“Japanese, Hawaiian, Chinese, Podagee, Filipino, Scottish, German, an’ Irish.”
The rain thinned out as they drove out of town and up the coast. Fortune sat quietly in her hoodie and sunglasses while Mary-Alice marveled at the ocean view.
“It’s so unspoiled,” Mary-Alice exclaimed.
“Used to be all sugar plantations,” the driver said. “My parents both worked for C. Brewer. Back then, everyone worked the plantations. Get up at four, work by five. Lotta the old timers still talk about plantation days.”
“They used to have plantations too, where I’m from,” Mary-Alice offered. “Although I don’t believe folks recall them all that fondly.”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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The Lost Weekend #SampleSunday

The Lost Weekend

Mary-Alice Arceneaux has started a new career at age 70 as the newest member of the Sinful Ladies’ Detective Agency. She is happily learning the principles of detection from Ida Belle, Gertie, and Fortune–and of course, picking up tips from her beloved mystery novels. But Mary-Alice finds herself on the wrong side of the interrogation table when her cousin Celia accuses her of a shocking crime.
Unfortunately, Celia’s story looks plausible–at least to a sheriff under intense pressure to make a quick arrest. Now Mary-Alice and the Sinful Ladies have to find out what Celia’s hiding, and find it fast…or Mary-Alice will pay with her freedom.

Excerpt

“Don’t you try to fool me, Celia Arceneaux,” Mary-Alice scolded. “I know what you’re up to.”
“I’m speaking the truth,” Celia whispered.
“It’ll only get worse, darlin’. This time you landed in the hospital, next time it might be the morgue. You don’t have to protect him, Celia.”
It was impossible to discern any expression in Celia’s swollen features.
Celia started to move her lips, and then gave up.
“Celia,” Mary-Alice persisted, “You can’t just go around inventing stories about how this one kidnapped you or that one beat you. The sheriffs don’t take kindly to folks telling them falsehoods. Why, Deputy Sheriff Carter LeBlanc just went over to Fortune’s house today and tried to search it.”
Celia’s eyes widened by a millimeter.
“He did?”
“Well of course he did, Celia. Now, that girl knows her rights and she told him he was going to need a warrant. But he will get one, Celia, and he’ll be back, and you and I both know he’s not going to find anything. Not only that…”
Mary-Alice never liked to tell a lie, especially when she was in the middle of reprimanding someone else for doing the same thing. But she reasoned that a little deceit in the service of the greater good was no crime.
“I don’t believe you’ve been inside that house since young Fortune moved in, Celia. She’s made all kinds of changes inside, moved things around and such. What do you suppose is going to happen when your description of Fortune’s house is different from what Deputy Sheriff LeBlanc finds?”
“Don’t call it her house,” Celia whispered. “That Yankee strumpet will never own a house in Sinful as long as I’m alive.”
“Call it Marge’s house then, if you like,” Mary-Alice replied. “My point is that if Carter catches you out in a lie, you’ll be in trouble. Do you know you can go to jail for making a false statement to a law enforcement officer? Well, you can. And then whoever did this to you will walk free.”
Celia was quiet for a long time. Finally she gathered the strength to speak.
“Perhaps I misremembered,” she murmured.
“Don’t be afraid to tell the truth,” Mary-Alice encouraged her. “Who did this to you, Celia?”
“It’s coming back to me now.”
“Good for you, darlin’. You tell me exactly what happened.”
“The place I was held captive…it was the Old Cooper Place.”
“The…now Celia, you’re getting it all mixed up. The old Cooper Place is where I live!”
“I’m not mixed up at all, Mary-Alice.” Celia’s distended face was expressionless, but her tone was ice-cold. “And as you were prideful enough to show the place off after you fixed it up. I believe I could describe the interior quite accurately. Do you remember demonstrating how you’d organized your bedroom closet?”
“Celia!” Mary-Alice exclaimed. “You wouldn’t!”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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The Pajama Murder #SampleSunday

The Pajama Murder

Local businessman Buford Fontleroy Deale III is found shot dead in front of Harriet’s Books in downtown Sinful. A blood-soaked pajama top is tied around his chest. And he’s wearing only one shoe.
The sheriff wants to talk to Harriet. Sinful’s beloved bookseller was one of the last people to see Deale alive. Fortune, Ida Belle, Gertie, and Mary-Alice need to get to Harriet before the sheriff does. They want to clear Harriet’s name, and stop whoever was behind the bizarre murder.
Except no one can find Harriet…

Excerpt

Mary-Alice loved Harriet’s Books, with its stale potpourri smell and its Local Author section featuring Gertie’s racy romances. Late in life Gertie had discovered writing as a creative outlet. She now published romances featuring mature protagonists, a genre she dubbed “seniorotica.”  Mary-Alice’s humorless cousin Celia Arceneaux had tried to get Gertie’s books banned from Sinful, which only got them flying off the shelves.
“Tea?” Harriet offered, but her smile faded as she read her friends’ faces. “What is it?”
“We’ve just gone to see Buford Fontleroy Deale, Miss Harriet.” Mary-Alice spoke, as it was she who knew Harriet best. “He claims you’re defrauding him and is planning to gather evidence to prove it.”
“That can’t be right,” Harriet exclaimed. “Defrauding? How can that be? I pay my rent early every month, and I take excellent care of the property. That’s crazy.”
“What’s going on?” Ida Belle demanded. “Why would your landlord want to do this to you?”
Harriet sighed, motioned them into her office, and invited them to sit around the cluttered round table where she reconciled her sales each evening.
“Mr. Deale was here yesterday afternoon,” Harriet said.
“After book club?” Mary-Alice asked. Harriet nodded.
“He made a rather ungentlemanly proposition. I believe he’d been drinking.”
“Well I expect you turned him down,” Mary-Alice exclaimed.
Harriet nodded, her eyes fixed on the stack of computer printouts in front of her.
“He didn’t take the rejection well.”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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Vampire Billionaire of the Bayou #SampleSunday

Vampire Billionaire of the Bayou

The Sinful Ladies’ Detective Agency has just scored a cushy gig: Doing surveillance for a businessman who claims business rivals are after his trade secrets. But just as Fortune, Gertie, Ida Belle, and Mary-Alice are deciding how to spend their easy money, the unthinkable happens. The Sinful Ladies find themselves teaming up with the bewildered Sheriff Robert E. Lee…only to find that what looks like a ritualistic murder is far from the strangest thing about this case.

Excerpt

“I must say, Miss Gertie,” Mary-Alice ventured during one of their tedious nights of surveillance, “I felt nothing but sorry for Mr. Fosca when I met him, and you may laugh at me if you like, but I feel even sorrier for him now.”
Mary-Alice glanced at the passenger seat in time to see Gertie’s head fall forward.
“Miss Gertie, you’re falling asleep again!”
“What?” Gertie snapped her head upright and lifted the binoculars to her eyes.
Mary-Alice reached over and gently turned the binoculars around the right way.
“They turned the light out half an hour ago, Miss Gertie. May I pour you a cup of coffee?”
“No, I promise I’ll stay awake. If I drink any more coffee I’ll be prowling around in the bushes all night looking for a place to pee. Now what were you saying, Mary-Alice?”
“I was saying I feel terrible for Mr. Fosca. He’s a very lonely man.”
“Don’t feel sorry for him,” Gertie retorted. “He’s a creepy control freak, and he has way too much money to deserve anyone’s pity. And he’s using a fake name, so he probably has a criminal background. How much do you want to bet he’s got bodies buried all over that house?”
“Do you really think so?” Mary-Alice gasped.
“Nah, not really. Well, there was that body that turned up on the property right after he moved in, but it was just some poor hobo who probably died of alcohol poisoning.”
“I read the book he got his name from,” Mary-Alice said quietly. “It’s called All Men are Mortal. In the book, there’s a man named Raymond Fosca who is cursed to live forever. He’s doomed to witness humanity’s failures and disappointments, one after another, through history. And he only wants to make the world a better place, but it never works out.”
“I don’t see how spying on a pair of newlyweds is making the world a better place,” Gertie retorted. “All it’s doing is reminding me how long it’s been since I’ve had any action.”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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The No-Tell Motel #SampleSunday

The No-Tell Motel

When a young woman vanishes from a roadside motel, Mary-Alice and the gang leave Sinful and head across the border to find her. They soon find that the unprepossessing McCully Inn holds some Texas-sized secrets, which the influential McCully family would prefer to keep hidden.
But with the missing woman’s life at stake, the ladies decide to keep poking around the McCully family closet and let the skeletons fall where they may. And with their technical know-how, decades of experience, and relaxed attitude about rules and procedures, they might just get to the truth.

Excerpt

Their new “command center” (as Mary-Alice liked to think of it) was an unused room on the second floor, a few doors down from where Solange had been staying when she disappeared.  Inside were two double beds and a couch. Fortune immediately volunteered to take the couch, and no one argued with her. That was one of the advantages of age, Mary-Alice thought. No one expects you to sleep on the fold-out.
While Mary-Alice got ready for bed, Fortune and Ida Belle went to work. They disconnected the room telephone and in its place plugged in a tan plastic box about the size of a deck of cards. Then they pulled out a similar box and hooked it to a laptop.
“Are those little hard drives y’all are setting up?” Mary-Alice asked.
“They’re listening devices,” Fortune explained. “This one is an International Mobile Subscriber Identity-catcher. It’s like its own little cell phone tower. If Solange’s kidnapper calls someone in the area, we can not only hear the call, we can trace the location of the phone.”
“We should be able to hear anything that comes through the switchboard too,” Ida Belle added.  None of it’s admissible in a court of law, and might not even be legal, but this setup’s pretty useful.”
Mary-Alice came over to take a closer look. Fortune slid under the desk to do something with wires and cables.
“Are there headphones?” she asked. “Will we be listening and taking notes?”
Mary-Alice imagined herself wearing big studio-style headphones for hours on end and wondered whether her ears would get sore.
“Thankfully, no,” Ida Belle said. “That’s how they did it back in my day. I mean, in spy movies. But now they can record and transcribe the conversations.”
“That way we can actually get some sleep,” Fortune said from under the desk. “And the voice recognition has some problems south of the Mason-Dixon Line. It can’t tell the difference between ‘oil’ and ‘all’.”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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Black Widow Valley #SampleSunday

Black Widow Valley

Young men have been disappearing in Black Valley, New York–which now has the misfortune of being known as “Black Widow Valley.” As it happens, Mary-Alice Arceneaux has a personal connection with the tiny community, and is called in to help. Mary-Alice is thrilled to be a part of the investigation–but by the time she arrives at the forbidding Kilmer House where she will spend the night, she realizes she may be in over her head.
This modern retelling of Lost Man’s Lane takes the action from the sultry bayous of Southwest Louisiana to upstate New York’s remote Black Valley. Mary-Alice is challenged to keep her wits about her when she gets herself invited to stay in the forbidding old mansion that appears to hold the key to a string of unspeakable crimes. Fortunately (or not), Sinful’s Sheriff Robert E. Lee is on the case too!

Excerpt

Logan and Lucetta excused themselves after dinner, leaving Mary-Alice alone in the dismal dining room. Just as she was considering whether to get up and snoop, or try to find someone who would show her to her room, Hannah entered the dining room.
“Oh, Hannah, darlin,” Mary-Alice said, “I wonder if you could show me where I’ll be staying tonight.”
“Room’s not ready yet, Ma’am.” Hannah made no attempt to clear the table quietly; the plates and saucers clattered as she stacked them. “Miss Kilmer sends her apologies, and says she understands if you’d like Logan to drive you down to the hotel in town. She’s already called ahead and gotten a room for you.”
“Well, that’s ever so kind, I’m sure,” Mary-Alice parried, “but I rather did have my heart set on staying the night here.”
“Means you have to wait a while,” Hannah replied. “There’s no room ready.”
“Why, I’d like nothing better than to wait,” Mary-Alice declared. She squared her dainty shoulders and followed the larger woman back to the gloomy sitting room. Althea’s children had known of her arrival, and there must be dozens of rooms in this old house.  What were they hiding?

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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The Two-Body Problem #SampleSunday

The Two-Body Problem

Professor Gwendolyn Jackson’s husband sends her a voice mail from the road, telling her he’ll be home soon. Just one problem…by the time the message was sent, he was already dead.
When the police dismiss her concerns, Professor Jackson turns to her former student, Fortune Morrow, for help.
Naturally, Fortune, Mary-Alice, and the rest of the Sinful gang are eager to solve the mystery surrounding the death of Professor Jackson’s husband, who owned the French Quarter’s premier joke and novelty shop, Jape & Jest. But the ladies soon find that nothing is as it seems in this case, and an unseen killer might have the last laugh. 

Excerpt

The McCully Inn was a low-slung brick building with a red-and-yellow banner hanging over the front entrance:
NOW OPEN special daily, weekly, & monthly rates.
The motel looked like it had been built in the 1950s, remodeled sometime in the 1980s, and left to its own devices after that. The tile-print vinyl flooring was curling up at the seams, and the lobby smelled like old cigarette smoke.
“You got this?” Ida Belle asked Gertie. Gertie nodded and disappeared into the bathroom. Fortune, Ida Belle, and Mary-Alice followed her, which was safer than hanging out in the lobby and risking someone asking them what they were doing there.
Gertie went into a stall and emerged after a few minutes wearing a black baggy dress, a hat with a veil, black gloves, and a giant cross necklace.
“What the heck are you supposed to be?” Ida Belle demanded. “Madonna?”
“I’m-a Michael’s devoted auntie Fiorella,” Gertie said, in what was apparently intended to be an Italian accent.
“I can’t watch,” Ida Belle covered her face.
“Oh, I’d love to watch,” Mary-Alice exclaimed. “It’ll be like a game of charades.”
“You say charades, I say nightmare of humiliation from which there is no waking,” Ida Belle said. “To-may-to, to-mah-to.”
“Let’s go over to the coffee shop,” Fortune suggested. “If we sit by the entrance we’ll have a good view.”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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The Vanishing Victim #SampleSunday

The Vanishing Victim

Mary-Alice Arceneaux is starting to catch on to the fact that the Sinful Ladies’ Society does more than brew 100-proof cough syrup to sell at the church bazaar. So when Sinful Ladies founder Ida Belle gets into serious trouble, Mary-Alice wants to help the SLS in their quest for justice. But this means that the sweet-natured Mary-Alice will have to endure a visit to the Swamp Bar (where decent ladies don’t go) and go up against her vindictive cousin, Mayor Celia Arceneaux. Will Mary-Alice’s sweet nature and unshakable faith in humanity endure?

Excerpt

“I swear to y’all, he was right there.” Ida Belle pointed to Deputy Breaux’s feet. “Right there. I shot Victorin Lowery. I saw him go down.”
Breaux paced around the small space, staring at the floor as if the missing corpse might suddenly turn up.
“Ma’am, are you sure it was Victorin Lowery you saw?” Breaux asked.
“Yes, sir, I surely am,” Ida Belle retorted. “Unless it was his stunt double.”
Breaux scratched his chin.
“You didn’t happen to see Leonie Blanchard around at all, did you?”
“Who?” Fortune asked.
“Victorin’s girlfriend,” Breaux said. “Real pretty, but she likes her drink too. Some folks call her Hollow-Leg Leonie. Her and Victorin got into it at the Swamp Bar yesterday. I had to go down and pull ‘em apart.”
“I remember Miss Leonie Blanchard,” Gertie said. “I had to suspend her several times for smoking in school.”
“I thought you taught third grade,” Fortune said.
“And so I did. Deputy, what were they fighting about?”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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Bayou Busybody #SampleSunday

Bayou Busybody

Sinful’s newest resident, Mary-Alice Arceneaux, is thrilled when Gertie introduces her to famous romance author Almira Galvez-Whitbread. But then Gertie and her friends have to leave town, and the very next day, Almira’s husband disappears. With Gertie, Fortune, and Ida Belle gone, Mary-Alice finds that she’s Almira’s only friend…and that Almira’s storybook marriage had been far less perfect than advertised. By the time Mary-Alice realizes she may be in danger, she’s already in too deep. Now she has to find out what really happened to the faithless Geoffrey Whitbread–and prove she has what it takes to be a real Sinful Lady.

Excerpt

“Isn’t it funny, Mary-Alice?” Gertie grinned. “You thought you’d escape drama by moving to Sinful.”
Fortune smiled knowingly, and Ida Belle snorted.
“Oh, I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” Mary-Alice declared. “I love it here.  And I’m living right downtown in one of Sinful’s historic homes. It’s so much fun.”
“Not as much fun as watching Celia Arceneaux turn five shades of green when you moved into one of Sinful’s most distinctive homes,” Gertie said.
“Oh, I know now that Celia was upset about the old Cooper place, but I certainly didn’t mean to show anyone up.”
“That’s what makes it even better,” Ida Belle said. “All you did was buy a nice old fixer-upper, and you got Celia spitting nails. Sorry, Mary-Alice, I know Celia’s your cousin, but she is a mean, petty woman and you’re far too nice to her.”
Mary-Alice preferred to think the best of people, especially when they were family. But even she had to admit the evidence was not in Celia’s favor. So powerful was Celia’s hatred of Ida Belle, Gertie, and the rest of the Sinful Ladies’ Society that Celia had founded a rival group. They called themselves the “God’s Wives,” which Mary-Alice thought was irreverent.  Mary-Alice preferred hanging out with the Sinful Ladies’ Society. But tact demanded she keep this a secret from Celia for the time being. Best not to poke the bear. Especially when the bear was the acting mayor.

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

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Mary-Alice Moves In. #SampleSunday

Mary-Alice Moves In

Mary-Alice Arceneaux has decided to make her home in Sinful! Mayor Celia’s sweet-natured and curious cousin is eager to settle into small-town life after moving from the big city (Mudbug, Louisiana). But before Mary-Alice can even unpack her bags, a man of the cloth dies under mysterious circumstances, a device with strange powers turns up in the glove box of her Oldsmobile 88, and her new friends, Ida Belle, Gertie, and young Fortune, are behaving oddly…even for Baptists.

Excerpt

“I hope you have some good news for us, Mary-Alice,” Gertie said.
“Well, in fact, I do…good news for me, anyway,” Mary-Alice said. “After losing my house in Mudbug, I decided to move to Sinful.”
With a twinkle, she added, “And what a nice surprise it was to find out that I’ll be neighbors with a famous author!”
“Really?” Ida Belle asked. “Who?”
Gertie dealt her a punch in the arm. “Me, Ida Belle. She’s talking about me.”
“I bought Passion’s Promise at the book shop yesterday, Gertie,” Mary-Alice said, “and I’m very much looking forward to reading it. Why, I didn’t even realize it was you at first.”
“No kidding,” Ida Belle said. “That photo you got on the back is about a hundred years old.”
“Don’t exaggerate, Ida Belle. It’s from the nineties.”
“Is it? Well, that explains the barbershop quartet in the background.”

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.