The Two-Body Problem #SampleSunday

The Two-Body Problem

Professor Gwendolyn Jackson’s husband sends her a voice mail from the road, telling her he’ll be home soon. Just one problem…by the time the message was sent, he was already dead.
When the police dismiss her concerns, Professor Jackson turns to her former student, Fortune Morrow, for help.
Naturally, Fortune, Mary-Alice, and the rest of the Sinful gang are eager to solve the mystery surrounding the death of Professor Jackson’s husband, who owned the French Quarter’s premier joke and novelty shop, Jape & Jest. But the ladies soon find that nothing is as it seems in this case, and an unseen killer might have the last laugh. 

Excerpt

The McCully Inn was a low-slung brick building with a red-and-yellow banner hanging over the front entrance:
NOW OPEN special daily, weekly, & monthly rates.
The motel looked like it had been built in the 1950s, remodeled sometime in the 1980s, and left to its own devices after that. The tile-print vinyl flooring was curling up at the seams, and the lobby smelled like old cigarette smoke.
“You got this?” Ida Belle asked Gertie. Gertie nodded and disappeared into the bathroom. Fortune, Ida Belle, and Mary-Alice followed her, which was safer than hanging out in the lobby and risking someone asking them what they were doing there.
Gertie went into a stall and emerged after a few minutes wearing a black baggy dress, a hat with a veil, black gloves, and a giant cross necklace.
“What the heck are you supposed to be?” Ida Belle demanded. “Madonna?”
“I’m-a Michael’s devoted auntie Fiorella,” Gertie said, in what was apparently intended to be an Italian accent.
“I can’t watch,” Ida Belle covered her face.
“Oh, I’d love to watch,” Mary-Alice exclaimed. “It’ll be like a game of charades.”
“You say charades, I say nightmare of humiliation from which there is no waking,” Ida Belle said. “To-may-to, to-mah-to.”
“Let’s go over to the coffee shop,” Fortune suggested. “If we sit by the entrance we’ll have a good view.”


The Two-Body Problem is available on these platforms

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

The Vanishing Victim #SampleSunday

The Vanishing Victim

Mary-Alice Arceneaux is starting to catch on to the fact that the Sinful Ladies’ Society does more than brew 100-proof cough syrup to sell at the church bazaar. So when Sinful Ladies founder Ida Belle gets into serious trouble, Mary-Alice wants to help the SLS in their quest for justice. But this means that the sweet-natured Mary-Alice will have to endure a visit to the Swamp Bar (where decent ladies don’t go) and go up against her vindictive cousin, Mayor Celia Arceneaux. Will Mary-Alice’s sweet nature and unshakable faith in humanity endure?

Excerpt

“I swear to y’all, he was right there.” Ida Belle pointed to Deputy Breaux’s feet. “Right there. I shot Victorin Lowery. I saw him go down.”
Breaux paced around the small space, staring at the floor as if the missing corpse might suddenly turn up.
“Ma’am, are you sure it was Victorin Lowery you saw?” Breaux asked.
“Yes, sir, I surely am,” Ida Belle retorted. “Unless it was his stunt double.”
Breaux scratched his chin.
“You didn’t happen to see Leonie Blanchard around at all, did you?”
“Who?” Fortune asked.
“Victorin’s girlfriend,” Breaux said. “Real pretty, but she likes her drink too. Some folks call her Hollow-Leg Leonie. Her and Victorin got into it at the Swamp Bar yesterday. I had to go down and pull ‘em apart.”
“I remember Miss Leonie Blanchard,” Gertie said. “I had to suspend her several times for smoking in school.”
“I thought you taught third grade,” Fortune said.
“And so I did. Deputy, what were they fighting about?”


The Vanishing Victim is available on these platforms

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

Bayou Busybody #SampleSunday

Bayou Busybody

Sinful’s newest resident, Mary-Alice Arceneaux, is thrilled when Gertie introduces her to famous romance author Almira Galvez-Whitbread. But then Gertie and her friends have to leave town, and the very next day, Almira’s husband disappears. With Gertie, Fortune, and Ida Belle gone, Mary-Alice finds that she’s Almira’s only friend…and that Almira’s storybook marriage had been far less perfect than advertised. By the time Mary-Alice realizes she may be in danger, she’s already in too deep. Now she has to find out what really happened to the faithless Geoffrey Whitbread–and prove she has what it takes to be a real Sinful Lady.

Excerpt

“Isn’t it funny, Mary-Alice?” Gertie grinned. “You thought you’d escape drama by moving to Sinful.”
Fortune smiled knowingly, and Ida Belle snorted.
“Oh, I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” Mary-Alice declared. “I love it here.  And I’m living right downtown in one of Sinful’s historic homes. It’s so much fun.”
“Not as much fun as watching Celia Arceneaux turn five shades of green when you moved into one of Sinful’s most distinctive homes,” Gertie said.
“Oh, I know now that Celia was upset about the old Cooper place, but I certainly didn’t mean to show anyone up.”
“That’s what makes it even better,” Ida Belle said. “All you did was buy a nice old fixer-upper, and you got Celia spitting nails. Sorry, Mary-Alice, I know Celia’s your cousin, but she is a mean, petty woman and you’re far too nice to her.”
Mary-Alice preferred to think the best of people, especially when they were family. But even she had to admit the evidence was not in Celia’s favor. So powerful was Celia’s hatred of Ida Belle, Gertie, and the rest of the Sinful Ladies’ Society that Celia had founded a rival group. They called themselves the “God’s Wives,” which Mary-Alice thought was irreverent.  Mary-Alice preferred hanging out with the Sinful Ladies’ Society. But tact demanded she keep this a secret from Celia for the time being. Best not to poke the bear. Especially when the bear was the acting mayor.


Bayou Busybody is available on these platforms

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

Mary-Alice Moves In. #SampleSunday

Mary-Alice Moves In

Mary-Alice Arceneaux has decided to make her home in Sinful! Mayor Celia’s sweet-natured and curious cousin is eager to settle into small-town life after moving from the big city (Mudbug, Louisiana). But before Mary-Alice can even unpack her bags, a man of the cloth dies under mysterious circumstances, a device with strange powers turns up in the glove box of her Oldsmobile 88, and her new friends, Ida Belle, Gertie, and young Fortune, are behaving oddly…even for Baptists.

Excerpt

“I hope you have some good news for us, Mary-Alice,” Gertie said.
“Well, in fact, I do…good news for me, anyway,” Mary-Alice said. “After losing my house in Mudbug, I decided to move to Sinful.”
With a twinkle, she added, “And what a nice surprise it was to find out that I’ll be neighbors with a famous author!”
“Really?” Ida Belle asked. “Who?”
Gertie dealt her a punch in the arm. “Me, Ida Belle. She’s talking about me.”
“I bought Passion’s Promise at the book shop yesterday, Gertie,” Mary-Alice said, “and I’m very much looking forward to reading it. Why, I didn’t even realize it was you at first.”
“No kidding,” Ida Belle said. “That photo you got on the back is about a hundred years old.”
“Don’t exaggerate, Ida Belle. It’s from the nineties.”
“Is it? Well, that explains the barbershop quartet in the background.”


Mary-Alice Moves In is available on these platforms

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

Schooled. #SampleSunday

Schooled

CIA operative Fortune Redding signs up for night classes, hoping to ease the boredom of her undercover assignment and update her computer skills. But an  unfortunately-timed murder on the campus of Mudbug Technical College sends shock waves through the town of Sinful. And Fortune’s life is turned upside down when she discovers who the prime suspect is. Now Fortune has to choose between lying low to avoid the ruthless arms dealer who’s put a price on her head, and doing everything in her power to save someone she can’t bear to lose.

Excerpt

Celia Arceneaux had recently won (or “won”) the Sinful mayor’s office in an election with a margin so thin that the town was now in the middle of a recount. In the meantime, Celia was allowed to stay on as mayor-elect. It turned out that the only thing worse than Celia Arceneaux was Celia Arceneaux with a little bit of power. She could now enforce Sinful’s arcane laws (or not) as she pleased, declare holidays on a whim, and drain the city coffers by hiring her idiot relatives and generally mismanaging everything. It wouldn’t have surprised me if she started printing money with her picture on it and renaming the months of the year after herself.
“So Celia filed another complaint about me?” I asked. “What is it this time? Washing my car on a Tuesday? Wearing off-white before Labor Day?”
Sheriff Lee fidgeted and cleared his throat. Come on, Sheriff, spit it out.  How bad could it be?
“Celia Arceneaux is dead, Fortune.”
I could almost feel my jaw hit the top of Lee’s desk.
“What?”
I said Celia Arceneaux is dead,” he shouted.
“No, I heard you the first time. She’s dead? How? What happened?”
“She was the victim of a hit-and-run last night.”
“Oh. That’s terrible. But what does this have to do with—”
“In the upper parking lot of Mudbug Technical College.”
I instinctively went on high alert. Someone had killed Celia Arceneaux and was trying to pin it on me. But who?


Schooled is available on these platforms

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

Cooking up trouble in Tabasco Fiasco #SampleSunday

Tabasco Fiasco

Deputy Sheriff Carter LeBlanc has been seen around Sinful with a beautiful, blonde stranger. But Fortune is fine with it, really. It’s not like she and Carter had a future together or anything. To show there are no hard feelings, Fortune hosts a dinner party for Carter and his new associate, and even volunteers to cook. But when she tries her hand at a spicy gumbo, things start to heat up for real. As bodies pile up, Fortune suspects that she’s the real target–and only Swamp Team Three can save the day.

Excerpt

“Just don’t get those huge cups,” I said. “I don’t want to be stopping for bathroom breaks every fifteen minutes.”
I ordered a “tall” (i.e. small) brewed coffee. Gertie and Ida Belle ignored my plea and got giant frozen mocha caramel concoctions topped with mountains of whipped cream.
Then they both made a show of how they were low on cash and reminded me that they were elderly ladies on fixed incomes.
I paid for all three of us, trying to conceal my shock at the price of a tricked-out coffee milkshake.
As I turned to leave, something tripped my alarm.
A man sat in a corner, with his back to the wall. Most of him was hidden by the copy of Monocle Magazine he had opened in front of him. That in itself was suspicious. Who reads print magazines anymore?
Male. Gelled dark brown hair. Skinny, pale wrist. Gold Rolex. Strike that, fake gold Rolex. Threat assessment… moderate to high, based on his overall sleaziness.
“Let’s go.” I urged Gertie and Ida Belle out of the door onto the sidewalk, setting the bells a-jingle. I glanced back through the plate glass. The man was slowly setting down his magazine. I took out my phone and snapped a photo through the glass. The image quality would be terrible, but it was better than nothing. I’d send it to Harrison, my handler back at headquarters. Just to be on the safe side. It might be nothing, but with a ten-million-dollar bounty on my head, I couldn’t afford to get complacent.


Tabasco Fiasco is available on these platforms

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

#SampleSunday at the romance convention with Fortune, Gertie, and Ida Belle

Once Upon a Murder

Gertie drags her best friends Fortune and Ida Belle to a romance convention in New Orleans. Gertie wants to advance her budding new career as a romance author; Fortune needs a break from her complicated personal life; and Ida Belle doesn’t think the other two should go out unsupervised. But when Ida Belle runs into someone from her past, it becomes clear that not everyone at the American Romance and Erotica Authors’ Conference will live happily ever after.

Excerpt

“Fortune,” Gertie asked gently, “is something wrong?”
“Look, this is kind of embarrassing to admit and you can’t tell anyone. Just between us. I see all these sexy guys on these book covers and every one of them makes me think of Carter LeBlanc.”
“Even the black one?” Gertie asked.
“This isn’t your fault.” Ida Belle said. “You couldn’t tell him that you were undercover. He should know that. Unless he’s a complete moron, he’ll realize he’s being unreasonable.”
“I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him in the first place. It’s completely against official policy and common sense. And I had to get mixed up with the deputy sheriff, of all people.”
“Oh, pish-posh. Who follows the rules all the time? Ida Belle, remember that party at the French embassy, when you and I —”
“Gertie, don’t we need to get going?”
“Oh. I suppose we do. Yes. Let’s see.” Gertie held her conference program out at arm’s length and squinted at it. “What are we, Session One? I think I’d like to go to Write a Bad Romance.”
“I’ll go with you,” I said. “It sounds like it’ll be fun. The last conference I went to, the highlight was the Keynote Address by former KGB Major General Oleg Kalugin.”


Once Upon a Murder is available on these platforms

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This story is a licensed work in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune world.

#SampleSunday Sinful Science, a Miss Fortune mystery

Jana DeLeon, author of the Miss Fortune mysteries, formed J&R Fan Fiction to allow licensed authors to publish new stories set in the Miss Fortune world.
I am one of those authors.

Sinful Science

A graduate student from Hawaii visits the tiny bayou town of Sinful, Louisiana to investigate the effects of the oil spill on the local wildlife. Sinful resident Fortune Redding, who happens to be a CIA operative hiding out from a ruthless arms dealer, worries that the nosy newcomer might blow her cover. But when he makes a gruesome discovery, he unleashes forces that will go to any lengths to protect Sinful’s darkest secret.

Excerpt

“I’m talking about a man that turns into a terrible beast.” Gertie widened her eyes and cast a dramatic look around the table. “He stalks the swamps and bayous by night, and gorges on human flesh, leaving behind mangled corpses with their throats torn out and their entrails chewed away. And those few who survive have a fate even worse than grisly death…they become a Rougarou themselves.”

“You told this to third graders?” I asked.
“Oh sure. As long as I stayed away from evolution, I was fine. Anyway, most of the kids already knew about the Rougarou from their parents. But did you know that different cultures the world over have their own stories about people who can transform into animals? Anubis, the ancient Egyptian god of the underworld, was depicted as a man with a wolf’s head. The Navajo skin walkers could turn into any animal they pleased. And of course the Hồ tinh, Hanoi’s nine-tailed fox. I was thinking I might write a story about the Hồ tinh.”

“Gertie, that’s a great idea,” Ally said. “Are you going to write children’s books?”
“Oh, my goodness no. There’s no money in children’s books. I’m thinking erotica.”
“Are there any stories about Hawaiian shape shifters?” I quickly asked Justin.
“Aw, sure. We get Kamapua‘a, who’s half man half boar.”
“Can he change from one to the other?” Ally asked. “Or is he just half and half?”
“Depends on what version of the story you got. But in all of ‘em he’s all grumpy and bitter, ah? Cause his father never wanted him, that’s why.”
“How sad,” Ally said.
“One day he fell in love wit’ Pele, the fire goddess, but she saw his ugly nature and ran away from him. So he could never find love.”
“I don’t like that story,” I said.
“That sounds so interesting.” Ally smiled at him. “I’d love to hear more.”
Next thing I knew, Justin Lao was a fixture in my house. At least when Ally was home.
Imagine my surprise, then, when one morning, as I was sitting in Francine’s Diner with Ida Belle and Gertie, I saw Justin Lao walk in with a woman who most definitely was not Ally…


Sinful Science is available on these platforms

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The Miss Fortune Novellas are now available in all formats, all countries!

The Miss Fortune mysteries are novellas written under license in Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune World. If you want to get acquainted with the characters, the first book in the Miss Fortune series is Louisiana Longshot, available for free on Amazon, Kobo, Apple, Google, and B&N.

Supernatural Sinful

A graduate student from Hawaii visits the tiny bayou town of Sinful, Louisiana to investigate the effects of the oil spill on the local wildlife. Sinful resident Fortune Redding, who happens to be a CIA operative hiding out from a ruthless arms dealer, worries that the nosy newcomer might blow her cover. But when he makes a gruesome discovery, he unleashes forces that will go to any lengths to protect Sinful’s darkest secret.
Sinful Science is my first and only paranormal mystery, and was a lot of fun to research and write.  Will there be more? It depends on the readers. You want it, I’ll write it!

Hair Extensions & Homicide

The Hair Extensions and Homicide books follow the original Miss Fortune format. They are told in first person, from Fortune’s point of view.

The Mary-Alice Files

The Mary-Alice Files are told in third person and feature Mary-Alice Arceneaux, Celia Arceneaux’s sweet-natured cousin by marriage. Mary-Alice always tries to assume the best of people. Her disarmingly sweet nature and natural curiosity make her a perfect amateur sleuth.

New on Kindle Worlds: Swamp Team Three goes to a New Orleans romance convention

How did the members of Swamp Team Three end up at a romance writers’ convention in New Orleans?Gertie wants to advance her budding career as a romance author;  Fortune needs a break from her complicated personal life; and Ida Belle doesn’t think the other two should go out unsupervised.
But when Ida Belle runs into someone from her past, it becomes clear that not everyone at the American Romance and Erotica Authors’ Conference will end up “happily ever after.”

 
Once Upon a Murder is the sequel to Sinful Science, and the second installment of the Hair Extensions and Homicide adventures on Kindle Worlds.


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